She’s a fine lady

ubeauty 2

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. But does it? I wonder who came up with that well-worn, but much loved aphorism. Sometimes, I wonder whether the females apostles of that saying use it as balm to soothe an aching and lovelorn heart, assuring it that a shining Prince Charming is just down the corner.
Well, it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee.
If there’s anything I learnt from the MGBN (Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria) pageant, it’s that beauty has a definition. It may be an unwritten definition but it is a definition nonetheless. All those MBGN contestants are delightful to look at; real eye candy, I wonder how those judges make the final decision. You’ve barely begun to savor the pristine beauty of Miss Lagos when the drop-dead gorgeous Miss Anambra sashays down the walkway. Society is adept at speaking from both sides of the mouth. It belts out fancy rhetoric, “Every woman is beautiful”, “You’re beautiful the way you are”, ” If Agbani Darego can do it, you can”, blah, blah, blah. Yet, we know that there is no way a fat chick will contest, talk less of win, MBGN. They-who-must-not-be-named will tell you, with unspoken word, that the line between ‘curvy and voluptuous’ and ‘fat and shapeless’ is very thin, even blurred.
The typical ‘beautiful girl’ is slender like a lily, her smile is so beautiful. We love to hear her laugh. She is so easy to look at, a sight for sore eyes. People love being with her. She is a work of art. Maybe, her farts don’t even stink. Who knows whether they have a fruity fragrant odor? Lol
Deep down in their closets, most girls know this. They want to be beautiful but can’t see it. They pose like models and dress up real cute but, in this instance, clothes don’t make the man(or woman). Lipstick, eyeliner, mascara and Brazilian hair are recruited in large numbers but when our plain Jane looks in the mirror, she still doesn’t like what she sees. Some bump it up a notch with cosmetic surgery and . . .nope . . . they still hate themselves. A few can live with it, knowing a happy life doesn’t depend (totally) on looks. Others just can’t.

On bleaching, it’s realistic to say that society factors fair women as beautiful. Lupita Nyong’o and Alek Wek are beacons of black beauty, but they are privileged exceptions. Dencia and Whitenicious will continue to spread because there will always be a demand, however subconscious, for light-skinned women. Imagine what it would look like if the next MBGN was black as night!
There is this concept that has been peddled around for quite a while. It is called ‘inner beauty ‘. Methinks it came with the ‘ religionisation ‘ of mankind, but that is a topic for another day. Suffice it to say that the current MBGN pageant is for the beauty you can see. Whether Ben Murray Bruce and his elite band of silvery merry men decide to organize a pageant for ‘ inner beauty ‘ is out of my league.
My question is simple. If I don’t fit into society’s definition of beauty, am I ugly? Sometimes, life abhors gray and comes in black and white. Excelsior!

In the begining

After much time-wasting and dilly-dallying, I finally got around to starting a blog. Hitherto, I had been comfortable reprising the role of the proverbial chef who purchased all the tools of the trade, read a million cookery books, studied other great chefs but could not pluck up the balls to actually step into the kitchen and cook something.
I spent so much time looking at, and even analyzing, the pros and cons of WordPress, BlogSpot and other blogging sites (Yet, my choice of WordPress was, more or less, a gut decision). I read countless articles on sustaining your blog (Its amazing the sheer number of blogs that are centered on starting and sustaining a blog). I met self-acclaimed blogxperts who promised to make my blog an internet wonder of blogtastic and blognificent proportions. They would teach me all the ‘hidden tricks’ and the ‘sure-fire’ ways of good blogging, for a fee, of course.
After endless scouring of the internet, I knew that, at least, I wasn’t the only young Nigerian bitten with the blogging bug. However, other would-be bloggers seemed to be more interested in “How you can make money with blogging: A four-day guide” or “Big Bucks by Blogging”. Am I surprised? No. After all, who wouldn’t want to be a millionaire blogger like good ol’ Linda Ikeji.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted to blog about, but I was sure what I DID NOT want to blog about. Society and Entertainment . . .Yuck! . . . that street is so overcrowded. Technology. . .maybe. . .but how many Nigerians are really interested in being wowed by the itty-bitty features of the Samsung Galaxy S4 or the Blackberry Z10. Local Television or Sports. . .to see a blog in that niche would be refreshing. . . but I can’t remember the last time I caught an episode of Wale Adenuga’s SuperStory. Almost everybody is stuck on Big Bang Theory, Game of Thrones, Spartacus, Nikita etc .Also, young people are too busy killing themselves-literally- over Arsenal and Chelsea, to be bothered with the season fortunes of Kano Pillars or Warri Wolves.
In the end, I just decided to go for it. After all, it is better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all. I elected to blog about the kind of things I would love to read on the internet. Personal intellectual property. Something you couldn’t get anywhere else on the Google-wide internet. For Me By Me.
So, one evening, I picked up my phone and registered my blog. A new blog was born. UnfriedGarri?! The peculiar circumstance that led to that name is between me and the chubby Igbo lady who fries akara in front of my house on Saturday mornings. Excelsior!